a year ago
I’ve never been accused of having a friendly face although I have been mistaken as someone who knows her way around the city by clueless tourists. And if you are one of those many people who I mistakenly misled, I am really sorry and for the record I have absolutely NO sense of direction.
I have suffered from RBF my entire life and aside from making me seem “unapproachable” at times, its served well as my security blanket.
But what about that famous pregnancy glow we are always hearing about? I don’t run into many pregnant women in the street but when I do, they seem to be smiling from the inside out.
Once you look past the general aches and pains of pregnancy, I am overwhelmed with love for the tiny human being who has taken residence in my body. The tiny flutters and kicks that I am now feeling never fail to bring a smile to my face especially during those moments when I manage to forget I am expecting.
Not that any of that shows on my face. Living in NYC, my life is a jumbled mess of navigating overcrowded streets and subways cars. Commuting to work is a daily lesson in the art of expertly maneuvering this rapidly growing body through hordes of people and willing my feet to move faster to catch an empty seat.
It’s hard for me to plaster a smile on my face when I’m pissed the guy in front of me is pretending not to see my protruding belly or when I have to shove my way through crowds of people all the while praying no one accidentally elbows my baby bump.
The hardest lesson I’ve learned throughout this entire experience is leaning on the kindness of strangers and family. Or rather my reluctance to ask for help. I’ve almost fainted on the train on two occasions and rather than ask for assistance, I rushed off the train. Currently I am home on bedrest because my seemingly smooth pregnancy turned high risk. It has forced me to open my eyes and face the famous saying in the face, “no man is an island.”
I have been operating like an island for much of my adult life, never asking for help, never letting others know when I am weak. I am reminded daily that I am not alone; I have a tribe of people who are willing to help me in any way they can as long as I allow them.
So I am learning to work on that, if not for me but for our future baby.