a year ago
I’ve attempted to write this post many times since my birthday. It’s difficult to accurately capture the type of year I’ve had. 2016, was difficult for many of us, and my personal life was no exception to this. At the beginning of the year, I had a baby in my belly that was still very much a secret and the stress was slowly consuming me. Still not fully healed from my miscarriage, my pregnancy was plagued by both delusional and very real fears.
My 32nd birthday accompanied by a bottle of sparkling cider, came and went very quickly. The rest of the year was spent worrying about the little person I was carrying.
It goes without saying but I will say it anyway, the best part of 2016 was the birth of my baby boy. Motherhood has been a literal shit storm of emotions and many moments spent crying in the corner for reasons only understood by raging hormones. It has been isolating even when surrounded by well-meaning family and friends.
There is no politically correct way to explain how much a child takes over your life. If you aren’t careful, you find yourself drowning in sleeplessness, baby gear, dirty diapers, leaky breasts, nipple creams, etc.
As cliché as it may sound, the love I feel for this baby makes it all worth it. Waking up to the gummy grin, those dreamy eyes, and intoxicating baby smell reminds me constantly why it is all worth it.
32 has been the year of the baby. I completely morphed into AJ’s mother with barely any recognizable traces of my former self. Simple things like putting on lipstick and accessorizing feel like too much on most days. Chucks and saggy jeans (the baby stole my ass) have become my uniform, along with tops I can quickly open to free the boobies.
I learned valuable lessons about faith, family, and unconditional love. The most important was learning to stop trying to do it all. 32 was a trying year but as they say, pressure makes diamonds.
33 is the year of Brenda. She’s a bit different, a lot sleep deprived, and armed with more knowledge about baby poop than any person should know, however I am determined to pull her back out.
Hello 33, it’s nice to meet you.