a year ago
I can barely whisper those words without disbelief. Every time I look at your face, I still cannot believe you once resided inside my womb. I still can’t believe there was a time I didn’t have every feature of your beautiful face memorized.
I used to stare at the ultrasound imagining what life with you would be like. Now my phone exists just to take pictures of you all day.
When I see pregnant women these days, I envy them for the briefest moment. Being pregnant has its appeal. You are still somewhat yourself. You can come and go with some semblance of a life. Everyone is gushing over you, taking care of you, making sure you are okay. It’s an exciting time getting ready for a baby.
As I said, the envy lasts briefly. Although motherhood is hard, it’s so rewarding to hold you, gaze at you, kiss your face. You are so much more fun on the other side. Watching you grow each month has been one of life’s joys. Seeing you morph from a completely dependent newborn into a little person who sits up independently is…surreal. Every milestone is accompanied by the all too familiar pangs of sadness and nostalgia; knowing one day you will be too big to sit on my lap.
I tell myself to focus on the present so I won’t miss any moment, as they are fleeting.
Right now, you are rolling over during tummy time, babbling words that sound suspiciously like mama and baba, and shoving everything into your mouth. You love to be thrown in the air, despite my protests to your dad. You absolutely adore your father and watching the two of you interact makes my heart melt daily. You barely tolerate pureed food and lust after the food on our plates instead. You love being in the water and have inspired me, after so many years, to maybe take swimming lessons. Jumping up and down on our laps is your favorite pastime.
In short, you are the apple of our eye.
Happy six months, baby boy. Je t’aime beaucoup.