10 months ago
I recently came back from a girl’s trip to California.
This trip highlighted just how much I was neglecting myself. I was so used to taking care of everyone I didn't even realize how little I left for me.
I agonized over my decision to leave my 20-month-old with his father. It was the first time we'd been separated for more than twelve hours. Even when I told my best friend yes, I felt my heart tighten with anxiety. I wasn't worried about leaving him with my husband, they would be fine. I knew the house would be in complete chaos, my carefully planned schedules would be thrown out, but they would be fine.
I worried about me. I knew I was going to miss the hell out of that little guy. For 20 months, my entire identity had been wrapped around being his mother, his everything. But for my own sanity and wellbeing, I desperately needed this trip.
I was burnt out, physically and mentally exhausted. This was supposed to be my #limitless year, the year of me finally. And yet, I was still last on my own damn to-do list.
So, I went and little by little I felt freer. It started in the airport after grabbing overpriced breakfast wraps while waiting on our delayed flight. By the time I got ready for my first night in a strange bed without the extensions of myself, it hit me just how free I was. I stretched out in that bed and felt the full expanse of the bed without hitting various limbs.
For someone who never sleeps well alone in unfamiliar places, I passed out until the next morning.
I am always my best self on vacation and I was particularly glowed up on this trip. I felt refreshed, rejuvenated, and invigorated just by the second day.
When I spoke to my husband, he was in awe at just how much I do for them. It was good to know even though things were not falling apart by my absence, I was still very much missed.
This trip gave me the reset button I needed to kick ass the rest of the year and a reminder I am more than someone’s wife and mother.